im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
