Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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