Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
