You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
