just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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