Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
