fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
