I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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