there's paper in my vomit.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
