I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He did a backflip because drugs
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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