It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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