I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish you could order shots online.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
