My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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