You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
