There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
