i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
