There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
