someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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