eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
