I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
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FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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