she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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