All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
