Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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