i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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