So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Even my vagina gasped.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
