Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
