last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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