So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
