hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
