finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
