3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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