areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
