Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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