end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
