It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
