I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
