I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
