After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
