What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
