I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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