If i come over, it means nothing
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
