I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
