a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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