and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
