What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
