Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
