I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
