I'm really into asian looking animals
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
