I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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