He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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