Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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