just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
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I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
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Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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