Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i now understand why vodka
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
