I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
