dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
