you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
