We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
