I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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