I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
