Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
