Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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