Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
