I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
