I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
