Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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