I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
