Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
