allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
