he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
