is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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