i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had to cum in my sink.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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