i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
