Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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