At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
