Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
