he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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